Earth Girls Are Easy

It's been a rough day for Valerie the Valley Girl, manicurist at the Curl Up and Dye hair salon. Her icky beau Dr.Ted has not made love -to her, anyway -in two weeks "At the rate we're having sex," she pouts becomingly, "we may as well be married already!" She bas discovered Ted in a compromising costume with another woman and responded by thrashing their condo: microwaving his football, toasting his funny cigarettes in the VCR, dropping his gold watch in the Disposall. And now, she notes, "there's a giant blow-dryer in my pool." Well, a UFO actually, with three horny, color-coordinated aliens itching to spend the night. Valerie had better listened to her cute boss Candy: "Sity down. Relax. Have a mental margarita." (Richard Corliss in Time, 15.5.89)